Comedy & Fun

A man got really drunk one night in his local pub. The barman refused to serve him any more alcohol and told him he should be heading home. The man thought this was a good idea so he stood up to leave but fell over straight away. He tried to stand up again but only fell over again. He thought if only he could get outside and get some fresh air he'd be grand. So he crawled outside then tried to stand up and fell over again. In the end after falling over lots more he decided to crawl home.

Q. Why did the golfer bring an extra pear of pants when he went golfing?

A. In case he got a "hole in one".

A cow and a horse got into an accident while they were coming around a blind corner. Who is to be blamed?

The cow... because she didn't blow her horn!

Two gold fish are in a tank one says to the other "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp:

Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"

Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"

Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period.

How do I go about getting that fixed?"

Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"

Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."

Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped. It's because I am.

Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"

Little Amy confided to her uncle, “When I grow up I’m going to marry the boy next door.”

“Why is that?”

“Cause I’m not allowed to cross the road.”

“Is your new horse well-behaved Charles?”

“Oh, yes Phil. When we come to a fence, he stops and lets me go over first.”

What is the difference between a woman and a battery?

“A battery always has a positive side.”

A man looking for love sent his picture to the Lonely Hearts Club.

The reply came back, “We are not that lonely.”

Three contestants on a game show were trying to win prizes.

The emcee asked the first one, “for $3000 who invented the telephone”

“Alexandra Graham Bell,” she answered.

“Right you are and as an added bonus what is your home town”

“Orange Grove Florida” she answered. O.K. you will receive a year’s supply of the biggest and best oranges” said the emcee.

He asked the next one, now for $2000 who discovered America?

“Columbus she answered. Right and what is your home town? Asked the emcee.